Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Moustache Has Arrived

Jizo Sama, P.I.

Like a Spoiler for my Face

It’s the Ferrari of facial hair, the whiskerghini. It’s the waxed moustache.

Last night, I made my own wax. Petroleum jelly and beeswax melted in a double boiler looks and surprisingly, smells like it could be a liquer. Yes, non petro wax is favored by many. I’m just an amateur here. This morning, I worked the sticky, honey-scented paste through my whiskers.

Upon seeing me and my new facial hair this morning, my friendly, courteous barista said, Holy shit, look at that damn moustache! She walked away to retrieve our usual order without mentioning the stache again. Gentlemen, that’s the effect of well-trimmed whiskers. My closest neighbor at work, a woman, breezed in with a chipper good morningthrew her purse down, looked over at me and said did you trim your beard I swiveled my chair around from the computer to face her and saw a bemused look turn into delight and awe as she gazed at the pointy tips of my waxed handlebar.

My good men, your moustache audience will feel a period of discomfort followed by acquiescence to your style. This is normal. I compare the experience of observing a waxed moustache to watching a sports car revving its engine loudly at a busy intersection. You can’t help yourself from turning your head to watch it accelerate up the next hill as the powerful engine purrs under a sleek chrome grill. The sight overwhelms your senses, fills your chest, tingles your toes. When you feel yourself at the brink of pure exhilaration, its spoiler disappears over the crest of a hill, waves of heat rising from the pavement in its wake. Oooh, yeeaah. I might keep the waxed moustache just to be high-profile incognito for awhile. More photos as they become available.

P.S. There was an odd feeling in my cheek as I typed this…oh, that’s just my tongue. Nevermind.

Wisc-kerino!

Franz Joseph. I’m considering trimming my beard into a Franz Joseph style. A Garibaldi would be grand, but I don’t have the whiskers for it. So I keep my modern Hollywoodian for now.

While I was browsing for beard styling inspiration, I discovered the Whiskerino site and realized I can’t enter until November of aught nine. Fine. There are lots of men in the badger state who don’t shave all winter. We should have our own contest. An old fashioned Wisc-kerino? See, I even have a name for it already. Planning meeting at Annona Bistro Honeypie , date TBD.